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73_Honour your father and mother

Ex 20:12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

Deut 5:16 “‘Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

A traveler stood at the edge of a deep, rushing river. He couldn’t cross it alone, and there was no bridge in sight. A local villager offered to carry him across on his back. Halfway through the journey, as the waters grew deeper and stronger, the traveler began to complain about his discomfort. He attempted to shift himself into a better position. The sturdy villager stopped and said, “I’m carrying you because you cannot cross on your own. If you forget your need and think only about how uncomfortable you are, you may fall into the river!”

This story mirrors our relationship with our parents. They carry us, often at great cost, through the waters of life until we are strong enough to walk on our own. Yet, how often do we forget their sacrifices and focus instead on the problems and issues in our relationship?

None of us choose our parentage. It is of God. Ps 68:6 “God settles the solitary in families.” Ps 139:13, the Psalmist says “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.” God made that choice in his sovereignty and in his wisdom. For this reason, when we honour our parents, with love and care, we honour the sovereignty and wisdom of God.

It is God’s plan that we find our immediate identity in our family, as much as by the position or achievements that come later. A lot of ground in the Bible is earmarked for genealogies, as God shows where people belong. Acts 17:26 “And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place.”

David was a man after God’s own heart, a great and good king, prophet, and sweet psalmist of Israel. Yet when the Holy Spirit spoke of him centuries later, he was described as the son of Jesse. Compared to the fame of David, Jesse was obscure. Jesse does not shine even on the occasion when David was anointed as king. It was only when Samuel prodded Jesse that David was hastily brought home. Yet David’s primary identity was as Jesse’s son. Acts 13:22 And when he had removed him, he raised up David to be their king, of whom he testified and said, ‘I have found in David the son of Jesse a man after my heart, who will do all my will.’ ”

God’s people were known only as the children of Israel, or Jacob. Individualism is not part of the plan of God. We did not come into this world by our own efforts, but through our parents. For that very reason, we cannot cast off our ties to them.

Thirdly, children live and grow under the authority of their parents. Parents are God’s provision for the loving nurture and admonition that children need. Children mature slowly into godly character and godly wisdom as they hear and treasure the instructions of the wise, especially from godly parents. Psalm 34:11 “Come, children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD.” Proverbs 1:8 “Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction, and do not forsake the teaching of your mother.”

As children grow, they learn to submit to those in authority, despite their imperfections. God instructs children to be obedient to their parents in all things that are right, (Col 3:22), marking their submission to Himself. Proverbs 23:22 “Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.” This obedience is the forerunner of lifelong godly submission to those whom God places over his people, both in the church and in the world. Rom 13:1 “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. 2 Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment.”

One of the characteristics of a dying society is “disobedience to parents.” Rom 1:30. Paul says in 2 Tim 3:1,2 “But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents.”

Children ought to listen to the discipline and instruction of their parents in all that is right, for it trains them to subject their wills to God’s righteous instruction in all things. Godliness in children is manifested in obedience and readiness to heed instruction.
Deut. 21:8 “A stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him…”

Jeremiah 35:6 offers a classic illustration: “Then I set pitchers full of wine and some cups before the men of the house of the Rechabites, and I said to them, “Drink some wine.” “We do not drink wine,” they replied, “for our forefather Jonadab son of Rechab commanded us, ‘Neither you nor your descendants are ever to drink wine. And we have obeyed the voice of our forefather Jonadab son of Rechab in all he commanded us. So we have not drunk wine all our lives—neither we nor our wives nor our sons and daughters. But we have done exactly as our forefather Jonadab commanded us.”

“This is what the LORD of Hosts, the God of Israel, says: Go and tell the men of Judah and the residents of Jerusalem: ‘Will you not accept discipline and obey My words?’ declares the LORD. 4The words of Jonadab son of Rechab have been carried out. He commanded his sons not to drink wine, and they have not drunk it to this very day because they have obeyed the command of their forefather. But I have spoken to you again and again, and you have not obeyed Me!” God not only praises but blesses the filial respect of this clan, even as he condemns the disrespectful disobedience of his own people, to whom he is more than a father.

Honouring our parents necessarily involves caring for them in need. Mk 7:11 Even on the cross, the Lord remembered his mother and entrusted her to the beloved apostle John. History records that Mary was with the apostle John till her death. Paul, writing to Timothy, says, “But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God. 8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Tim 5:4,8.

The Lord rebuked the Pharisees for circumventing this in the name of God. They reversed the command of God to “honor their father and mother”, by their teaching. According to them, saying of one’s wealth, “It is Corban” meaning “devoted to God as a gift” would keep parents from having any more claim on it, since it belonged to God. Sacred vows and offerings were being exploited to defraud parents. But natural piety claims the rights of parents above that of ceremonial religion. The first and best use of wealth is to relieve suffering and want in our own families.

No conditions are attached to this command. We honour our parents because we fear God and honour him as the author of our existence. Our actions towards our parents do not take account of their failures, but conform to God’s design and command. Even if they have wronged their children, in time past, it is the blessed duty of God’s children to forgive even their own parents. We have received so much love and mercy from our heavenly Father that we can forgive and show grace. For it is his works that are reproduced in us by his Spirit.

Parents should make it easy for children to honour them. They must not provoke their children to anger by unreasonable demands or unnecessary harshness. They must not make it impossible to obey them by inconsistency, excessive rigidity, or ungodly laxness. They must humbly depend on divine wisdom to make wise and responsible decisions for their children’s lives. Parents must provide spiritual examples and not just good teaching. They need to live in godly dependence, filled with the Spirit, and exercising discipline over the flesh. This imparts holy boldness to say, like Paul, “Follow me as I follow Christ.”

Finally, when we put ourselves under the authority of God in all things, our decisions are made in submission to him. If commanded to do something that conflicts with God’s authority, no human authority holds good. As the apostles said, when commanded by the authorities not to teach in His name, “We ought to obey God rather than men”. We can honor our parents even when we cannot obey them out of the fear of God. Yet they deserve our consideration and care. God bless.