617_Choose your friends carefully (Proverbs 13:20)
Proverbs 13:20 Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise,
but the companion of fools will suffer harm.
A well-known proverb says, “Show me your friends, and I will show you your future.” Many years ago, a teacher was asked why he paid such close attention to the friendships of his students. He replied, “Because long before a child listens to a lecture, he imitates a companion.” That observation is not merely psychological; it is profoundly biblical. Scripture consistently teaches that companionship is never neutral. The people we walk with quietly shape our thoughts, stir our desires, form our values, and eventually direct our steps. Proverbs 13:20 captures this truth with striking simplicity: “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” This verse is not a suggestion; it is a spiritual law woven into God’s design for human life.
From the opening pages of Scripture, we learn that we were not created to live in isolation. Though Adam enjoyed uninterrupted fellowship with God, the Lord Himself declared, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” God created Eve as a helper suitable for him—someone with whom he could speak, relate, and share intimate fellowship. Adam’s response was not a theological analysis but joyful poetry. His heart overflowed when he encountered God’s gift of companionship. This teaches us that friendship and fellowship are not optional extras; they are essential to human flourishing.
Yet companionship in Scripture is never limited to marriage alone. We are made to live in families, communities, and societies. Inevitably, we come into contact with many people, but not all relationships carry the same weight. Some friendships shape us more deeply than others. The people with whom we spend the most time often influence us the most, subtly molding what we love, how we think, and how we live. That is why Scripture repeatedly calls us to exercise discernment in choosing our companions.
We instinctively understand this principle when it comes to physical safety, especially with our children. If our children are playing outside and a storm suddenly breaks with thunder and lightning, we rush to bring them indoors. If we sense physical danger or the presence of someone who might harm them, we intervene without hesitation. Yet many times, we are far less vigilant about the company they keep—company that may wound them emotionally, distort their values, and scar them spiritually for years to come. The apostle Paul issues a sober warning in 1 Corinthians 15:33: “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals.’” The danger is real, and Scripture calls us not to be naïve about it.
Proverbs 13:20 contrasts two paths: walking with the wise and keeping company with fools. To understand this warning, we must define what Scripture means by “wise” and “fool.” In the Bible, a fool is not merely someone lacking intelligence or education. Psalm 14:1 says, “The fool says in his heart, ‘There is no God.’” This does not refer only to the outspoken atheist. Many people profess belief in God with their lips but deny Him in their hearts by the way they live. Their actions reveal that they live as though God does not see, does not judge, and does not matter. Psalm 36 describes such a person with sobering clarity: there is no fear of God before his eyes; he flatters himself that his sin will not be found out; his words are deceitful; he plots evil and refuses to reject what is wrong. Biblical foolishness is moral and spiritual rebellion, not intellectual deficiency.
A wise person, by contrast, is one who lives in the fear of the Lord. Wisdom begins not with cleverness but with reverence. When children consistently walk with those who fear God, their own desires, values, and actions are shaped accordingly. This is why God gave Israel such careful instruction through Moses before they entered the Promised Land. Parents were not told to outsource spiritual formation to the surrounding culture. Instead, they were commanded in Deuteronomy 6:7 to teach God’s words diligently to their children—talking of them at home, on the road, at bedtime, and at daybreak. God knew that daily influence would shape destiny.
This responsibility has not diminished in our digital age; it has intensified. Companionship today is not limited to physical presence. Children and adults alike form relationships online, absorb values through media, and are influenced by voices they have never met. Parents are called not only to monitor physical friendships but also to discern digital ones, ensuring that the dominant influences in their children’s lives point them toward the fear of the Lord.
At the same time, Scripture recognizes that there is a season for preparation before exposure. Paul, writing to Timothy, urges him first to be grounded in sound doctrine, to train himself for godliness, and only then to engage in the labor and struggle of ministry in the world. There is a time to learn, a time to practice faith within the safety of family and church, and a time to go out as witnesses. Discernment in companionship does not mean isolation from the world, but it does mean spiritual readiness.
Proverbs repeatedly warns about specific kinds of relationships that corrupt rather than edify. We are told not to befriend those given to uncontrolled anger, lest we learn their ways and entangle ourselves in a snare. We are instructed to leave the presence of a fool when there is no knowledge to be gained. We are warned not to walk with sinners who entice us into paths of violence or deceit. These warnings are not rooted in fear, but in wisdom born of love for life.
The apostle Paul clarifies that this does not mean withdrawing from all unbelievers. In 1 Corinthians 5, he explains that his warning about not associating with immoral people refers specifically to those who claim the name of Christ while living in open rebellion against Him. To avoid all sinners would require leaving the world entirely. Instead, we are called to love unbelievers, pray for them, and bear witness to the truth—while refusing to imitate their ways or be shaped by their values.
Proverbs goes further than merely advising us to listen to the wise. It calls us to walk with them. Walking implies closeness, shared direction, and sustained presence. It means spending meaningful time, seeking counsel, observing character, and imitating faith. Proverbs 12:26 reminds us that the righteous become guides to their neighbors, while the way of the wicked leads others astray. A wise friend is not only an encourager, but also a person who takes courage in correcting us when we go wrong. Prov 27:6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend;
profuse are the kisses of an enemy.
Scripture provides vivid examples of the consequences of ignoring or embracing this principle. Rehoboam, Solomon’s son, faced a defining leadership moment. Experienced elders counseled humility, but he rejected their wisdom and embraced the counsel of his peers—men who echoed his pride. The result was catastrophic: the kingdom was divided, ten tribes were lost, and a fracture was introduced that never healed. Foolish companions confirmed his arrogance rather than restraining it.
King Ahab’s tragedy reveals another dimension. Though king of Israel, he allowed Jezebel to shape his values and actions. Scripture says he sold himself to do evil because his wife incited him. Under her influence, idolatry flourished, innocent blood was shed, and judgment fell upon his house. A foolish companion can normalize sin and embolden rebellion against God. This is why Scripture urges great care in choosing a life partner.
By contrast, godly friendships shine with quiet strength. Jonathan strengthened David’s faith when he was hunted and discouraged, directing him back to God rather than merely offering comfort. Daniel and his friends stood together in holiness in a hostile culture, and God honored their faith with wisdom, favor, and deliverance. In the New Testament, Barnabas risked his reputation to stand with Paul, and Paul later invested deeply in Timothy. Through such partnerships, God advanced His purposes across generations and nations.
All of Scripture converges on this truth: foolish companionship magnifies sin and hastens ruin, while wise companionship nurtures faith and secures blessing. Proverbs 13:20 does not merely call us to admire wisdom from a distance, but to align our lives with those who walk in the fear of the Lord. Walking implies pace, direction, and shared purpose. Companionship shapes destiny.
The psalmist declares, “I am a companion of all who fear you, of those who keep your precepts.” This is both a confession and an invitation. It calls us to examine our own relationships honestly. Who shapes our thinking? Who influences our choices? Who do we imitate when pressure mounts? It also calls parents to examine not only whom their children spend time with, but whether they themselves are being faithful companions—teaching God’s ways, modeling reverence, and spending unhurried, meaningful time together.
Practically, this means prayerfully evaluating our friendships, setting wise boundaries, and intentionally cultivating relationships that draw us closer to God. It means seeking counsel from those who love Scripture, welcome correction, and live with integrity. It means being willing, at times, to step away from relationships that consistently pull us toward compromise. And it also means striving to be the kind of friend who strengthens others in God, not merely entertains or affirms them.
May the Lord grant us discernment to choose our companions wisely, courage to walk away from harmful influences, and grace to become wise friends ourselves—for His glory and for the good of those He has entrusted to us. God bless.