619_The influence of a godly woman
Proverbs 14:1 The wisest of women builds her house,
but folly with her own hands tears it down.
A master builder once remarked that the strength of a house is rarely tested on the day it is completed. Fresh paint, polished floors, and strong beams give the impression of permanence. But years later, when storms come and the winds beat relentlessly, the hidden work beneath the surface tells the real story. The unseen choices made during construction—where shortcuts were avoided, where patience was exercised, where care was taken—determine whether the house stands or collapses. In much the same way, Scripture teaches that homes are not sustained merely by outward success or appearances, but by daily, often unnoticed decisions rooted in wisdom or folly. It is into this quiet, weighty space that Proverbs 14:1 speaks: “The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.”
The Bible entrusts women with both profound dignity and solemn responsibility. From the opening chapters of Genesis, we are reminded that woman, like man, is created in the image of God. Both bear His likeness. Both fell into sin. Both stand equally in need of redemption. And both were redeemed at the same infinite cost—the precious blood of Christ. Therefore, any notion that Scripture assigns lesser value to women is entirely foreign to the teaching of God’s Word. In Christ, there is no hierarchy of worth. Yet, equality of value does not mean sameness of role. As we read further into Scripture, we discover that God, in His wisdom, assigns complementary responsibilities to men and women. They are not created to compete with one another but to complete one another, reflecting different facets of God’s design and order.
Nowhere is this more clearly seen than within the context of the home. Proverbs 14:1 is brief, vivid, and deeply personal. It does not speak in abstract terms about society or institutions; it speaks of a woman and her house. In the language of Proverbs, a “house” is far more than bricks and mortar. It represents the family itself, the moral and spiritual climate within the home, the upbringing and shaping of children, the peace and stability of daily life, and even the legacy that extends into future generations. To build a house, in this biblical sense, is to shape lives, influence hearts, and establish patterns that endure long after words are forgotten.
Building, by nature, is slow and demanding work. It requires patience, sacrifice, wisdom, and consistency. It is rarely glamorous. Much of it happens in ordinary routines—conversations at the dinner table, responses to conflict, decisions about priorities, the tone of daily speech. Wisdom in Proverbs is not theoretical knowledge; it is practical godliness, the skill of living under the fear of the Lord. A wise woman builds her house not through grand gestures, but through faithfulness in small, repeated acts of obedience.
The second half of the proverb is intentionally sobering: “but folly with her own hands tears it down.” Folly in Proverbs is not a lack of intelligence; it is a moral posture that disregards God. It is stubborn self-will, choosing one’s own way over God’s wisdom. The phrase “with her own hands” is striking. It reminds us that destruction is often self-inflicted. Homes are rarely destroyed only by external pressures. More often, they are weakened from within—by words spoken without restraint, attitudes nurtured without repentance, priorities chosen without prayer.
Scripture teaches us that a home does not collapse overnight. Just as building happens slowly, so does tearing down. Folly works through repeated choices: persistent quarrelling, unchecked resentment, pride, bitterness, neglect, or spiritual indifference. Proverbs paints vivid pictures of this reality. It says that it is better to live on a corner of a rooftop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. It compares continual contention to a constant dripping on a rainy day—irritating, exhausting, and relentless. These verses are not meant to shame, but to warn. They show how powerful a woman’s influence is within the home, for good or for harm.
The New Testament reinforces this truth with clarity and tenderness. When Paul writes to Titus, he instructs older women to teach younger women how to live wisely within their families: to love their husbands, to love their children, to be self-controlled, pure, kind, and devoted to their homes, and submissive to their own husbands, so that the word of God may not be dishonored. These words run counter to modern values that often measure worth primarily by public achievement or career advancement. Scripture does not forbid women from working outside the home, nor does it diminish their abilities or gifts. But it does establish a clear priority: the home is a woman’s primary sphere of influence and responsibility.
This calling requires discernment. If external pursuits begin to erode love for one’s husband, patience with children, or attentiveness to the spiritual health of the family, Scripture calls a woman to pause, pray, and seek the Lord’s wisdom. This responsibility does not absolve men of their duties. Husbands are called to lead, love sacrificially, provide, and support. The burdens of family life are meant to be shared. Yet Scripture consistently emphasizes the unique and powerful role of a wife in shaping the atmosphere of the home.
One of the most misunderstood aspects of this role is submission. When a wife submits to her husband in the fear of the Lord, she reflects the relationship between the church and Christ. This submission is not rooted in inferiority, fear, or silence, but in trust and order under God. Paul makes it clear that submission flows from being filled with the Holy Spirit and from mutual submission in reverence for Christ. Both husband and wife are called to humility. Yet Scripture still addresses wives specifically, not to diminish them, but because God has entrusted them with a distinct influence within marriage.
Another area where wisdom builds the home is faithfulness within marriage. The apostle Paul speaks plainly about honoring the marriage covenant, reminding both husband and wife that their bodies belong to one another. Mutual care, intimacy, and consideration are not optional extras; they are protections God has provided against temptation and division. When this area is neglected, Scripture warns that it opens the door to spiritual attack. Here again, wisdom expresses itself through obedience in ordinary, private matters.
The influence of a wise woman extends powerfully into the lives of her children. Scripture urges women to be lovers of their children—not merely in affection, but in example. Children learn far more from what they observe than from what they are told. A mother’s reverence for God, her speech, her reactions under pressure, and her consistency in faith quietly shape young hearts. Long before children understand sermons, they read lives.
Proverbs captures this influence beautifully when it says that an excellent wife is the crown of her husband, while one who brings shame is like decay in his bones. A crown is not merely decorative; it is a symbol of honor and strength. A wise wife strengthens her husband, supports him, and enhances his testimony. Her influence is not loud or boastful, but steady and life-giving.
The wisdom Proverbs commends expresses itself in thoughtful speech, moral integrity, diligence, peacemaking, and faithfulness in ordinary duties. It works incrementally and patiently. A godly home is not built in a day. It is built over years of choosing wisdom when folly would be easier, gentleness when harshness would feel justified, prayer when anxiety presses in.
It takes time and effort to build, but very little to destroy. A few careless words, a season of neglect, or a hardened heart can undo years of labor. That is why this proverb stands as both a warning and an invitation—a warning against careless influence, and an invitation to choose wisdom daily, trusting God to establish what is built in obedience to Him.
Though these principles apply to all believers, Scripture places particular emphasis on the role of women in strengthening the home. In a world where families are increasingly fragile and homes are often fractured, God continues to call sisters to be wise builders—women who fear the Lord and shape their households for His glory.
The practical application is both simple and demanding. Wisdom begins with daily surrender to God. It asks hard questions: Are my words building or tearing down? Are my priorities aligned with God’s design? Am I nurturing peace, faith, and love within my home? No one builds perfectly, but every day offers a new opportunity to choose wisdom over folly. May the Lord grant grace to examine our hands—not to condemn, but to redirect—so that what we touch, we build, and what we build stands firm for generations, to the glory of God. God bless.