651_Intentional parenting (Proverbs 22:6)
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.
A veteran gardener was often asked how he managed to grow such shapely and healthy trees in his orchard. He replied that he did not wait to train the tree when it was already tall, but began when it was a tender sapling. He would place a stake beside it and gently tie the stem to it so that it grows upright. If the tree is left to grow wild in the beginning, straightening it later becomes almost impossible. “The direction of the tree,” he concluded, “is decided when it is young.”
This captures an essential parenting principle. The direction of one’s life depends heavily on early training. Long before the child becomes independent, influences are at work to shape the course of life. This wisdom is reflected in this proverb.
The Hebrew word translated as “train up” can mean to dedicate, to inaugurate, to initiate into, or to set something on its proper course. In the Old Testament, this word is used in contexts such as dedicating a house or temple. The idea is that something is formally started and set in the right direction.
The root word carries the idea of narrowing or constricting, even referring to the palate or throat. The imagery suggests guiding the development along the right path. Some scholars note an interesting practice among ancient midwives: they rubbed dates or oil on a newborn’s palate to stimulate sucking. This adds to the meaning of the proverb: —the parent is called to create an early inclination towards doing what is good.
Training involves both instruction and guidance. Parents must teach their children to direct them toward the way of God. God emphasized this responsibility through Moses before Israel entered the promised land. In a land filled with competing influences, it was essential to spiritual health that each generation be taught the way of God.
Deuteronomy 6:4–7 summoned God’s people: “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”
This is intentional and constant instruction, not just an occasional mention of God. Parents are to weave the knowledge of God into the daily rhythm of life—at home, on the road, in the morning, and at night. Faith is communicated in everyday life.
The primary responsibility for this rests on parents, and cannot be delegated to the church, to society, or to educational institutions. While God’s people should support and encourage such teaching, the fundamental spiritual formation of children occurs at home.
When Jesus was asked about the greatest commandment, He quoted this very passage. Children must learn and experience that loving God is not merely an optional aspect of life; rather, it is life itself.
Scripture comes to us as narratives and other forms of discourse that reveal God’s nature. These stories demonstrate his faithfulness to Abraham, His patience with Israel, His mercy toward sinners, and above all His love in Jesus Christ. Through these stories, truthfully told, children begin to understand who God is and to love him.
In the Bible, love culminates in giving. True love for God involves wholehearted dedication. Therefore Romans 12:1 calls us to present our bodies as a living sacrifice to God in grateful and joyful response to his mercies.
Interestingly, this is often first revealed as children gradually grow in obedience and respect toward their parents. This process often involves discipline, which can be difficult both for children and for parents. Yet it is an essential part of loving instruction. Hebrews 12:7–11 explains that God disciplines His children for their good, aiming at the peace that grows out of righteousness in those who are trained through his discipline.
Training also involves protecting children from harmful influences. Young children are impressionable. They naturally absorb the values, habits, and attitudes that surround them. Therefore, intentional parenting requires thoughtful boundaries to guide children along the path of wisdom.
This does not mean isolating children from the world entirely, but they should not be exposed to certain influences before they are prepared. For instance, during Israel’s journey out of Egypt, Exodus 13:17 reveals that God did not lead them by the shorter route through the land of the Philistines, even though it was near. The reason was simple: if the people were plunged into battle prematurely, they might become discouraged and return to Egypt.
Like a loving father, God protected His people from a challenge they were not yet ready to face. In a similar way, parents are called to guide and protect their children during the formative years, allowing them to be deeply rooted in the truth of God before encountering the conflicting ideas of the world.
Yet the deepest part of training is personal example. Children learn far more from what they observe than from what they are told. Ephesians 6:4 instructs us: “Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” If our children are to love God, we must demonstrate his love in our own lives.
Humble prayer, patience, and doing good build living faith into the life of the family.
The phrase “in the way he should go” indicates the path of wisdom and righteousness, the will of God. Yet wise parents recognize that each child is unique. Children have different personalities and abilities, and develop through different stages. Training must therefore be thoughtful and attentive to the individual child, firmly rooted in the unchanging truth of God.
The second half of Proverbs 22:6 raises an important question: “even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Is this a promise or an observation? To answer this question we must understand that the book of Proverbs tells us how to live in good relationship with God and man in order to “enter life”. But it does not present absolute guarantees of earthly outcomes. They describe the way God views our lives, which contrasts with the merely human perspective.
For example, Proverbs 10:27 says, “The fear of the Lord prolongs life, but the years of the wicked will be short.” On earth, some wicked people live long lives, but we are assured by scripture that the Lord will reward his righteous people with eternal life and glory.
In the same way, Proverbs 22:6 is best understood as a wise saying about the powerful influence of early formation. Right habits, beliefs, and character traits planted in childhood often remain deeply rooted throughout life. What is planted early tends to endure.
However, every individual ultimately makes personal choices before God. Despite faithful training by godly parents, their children must still decide for themselves how they will live.
This truth should both motivate and comfort parents. We must take our responsibility seriously, knowing how influential yet brief the years of training are. And yet, we are not guilty if our children grow up to make the wrong decisions. Our calling is to be faithful to our calling in all things, entrusting our children into the hands of the God whom we serve with a good conscience.
The message of this proverb therefore calls us to intentional parenting. Children must be taught the truth of God’s Word, guided with loving boundaries, corrected with wisdom, and nurtured through personal example. And then they must be released into God’s care with prayer and trust that they will walk in his love.
In a confused and evil world, the calling to raise godly children has never been more important. Our greatest legacy is not our wealth, achievements, or possessions, but our children and the lives they live before God.
Therefore, let us serve God as parents, with all our hearts. Let us intentionally teach our children to love the Lord, to walk in His wisdom, and to follow the path of righteousness. And may the next generation shine as lights in a dark world, reflecting the truth and love of Christ wherever they go. God bless.
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