670_Speaking truth with a loving heart (Proverbs 28:23)
Proverbs 28:23 Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor
than he who flatters with his tongue.
Once a young apprentice carpenter proudly brought a beautifully carved chair to his master. It looked flawless to the untrained eye. But the master ran his hand along the edges, turned it over, and gently pointed out a slight imbalance in one leg. The apprentice’s face fell. “I worked so hard on this,” he said, disappointed. The master replied, “I correct you not to discourage you, but because I see what this can become—and I see what you can become.”
Years later, the apprentice would say that moment shaped his entire life. It wasn’t the praise he remembered—it was the correction. Because it was given with care, it stayed with him, and it made him better.
That picture brings us into the heart of today’s theme: speaking truth with a loving heart. Proverbs 28:23 says, “Whoever rebukes a person will afterward find more favor than one who flatters with the tongue.”
At first glance, this proverb feels counterintuitive. In a world where we often equate kindness with being agreeable, and love with approval, the idea that correction could lead to favor seems almost backward. But actually, scripture contrasts two very different approaches to relationships: honest correction and pleasant deception. One is rooted in truth and love; the other in comfort and self-preservation.
The term rebuke does not indicate harsh criticism or humiliating speech. It’s not about winning an argument or asserting superiority. It’s about lovingly pointing out something that needs to change—for the good of the other person. It’s the kind of correction that flows from a heart that genuinely cares.
And often, when correction is wrapped in love and delivered with gentleness, people are far more open to receiving it, even when it’s difficult to hear.
On the other hand, flattery tells people what they want to hear. It avoids creating discomfort. It seeks approval. It creates a false sense of peace. It harms rather than helps.
This proverb reminds us that while flattery feels good in the moment, it doesn’t lead to growth. It may preserve a relationship temporarily, but it weakens it over time. Truth, even when it’s uncomfortable, can strengthen and transform.
That’s why the word “afterward” in this verse is so important. Correction rarely feels good immediately. No one naturally enjoys being told they’re wrong. But with time, those who accept correction begin to grow. They gain wisdom. They see things they couldn’t see before. And often, as time passes, they look back and recognize that the one who corrected them wasn’t trying to hurt them, but to help them.
Flattery may feel encouraging at first, but eventually its emptiness becomes clear. It can lead people into poor decisions by misleading them to believe they’re right. And when honest people realize they’ve been fed insincere praise for self-serving reasons, trust begins to erode.
Scripture gives us powerful examples of this truth, as in the household of Eli. This man was aware that his sons were doing wrong and misusing their sacred office. Yet he failed to take decisive action, even after God warned him. Instead of confronting the situation with courage, Eli remained passive. That silence had devastating consequences—not just for his family, but for the entire nation of Israel.
Contrast that with the story of David and Abigail in 1 Samuel 25. David, in a moment of murderous and egotistic anger, was on his way to take revenge. Abigail intervened with wisdom and truth. She respectfully confronted him, warning him against shedding blood in anger.
David responded with humility. He recognized the truth in what she said and recognized God’s gracious hand in her intervention. In that moment, correction became a gift. It saved him from a path he would have later regretted.
A foolish heart resists correction. It becomes defensive. It shuts down. But a wise heart, even if it struggles at first, eventually recognizes the value of truth.
So the important factor that often determines the fate of our words is our motivation.
When we choose to speak difficult words of truth, it requires courage. It demonstrates our care for the other person’s growth rather than our own comfort. It means we’re willing to risk misunderstanding or rejection because of love which forbids us to remain silent.
Flattery, on the other hand, often comes from a place of self-interest. We avoid hard conversations because we don’t want conflict. We don’t want to be disliked. Our silence is not always about protecting others—it’s often about protecting ourselves.
True love doesn’t look away when it sees the other heading toward harm. Love sees clearly and cares deeply. It refuses to stand by when someone is drifting into patterns that will ultimately hurt them.
Ephesians 4:15 speaks about “speaking the truth in love.” Truth is the foundation of love. If we love, we deal with the other in truth.
God Himself models this perfectly. Throughout Scripture, we see a God who corrects, disciplines, and redirects—but always with the goal of restoration. Hebrews 12 reminds us that the Lord disciplines those He loves. His correction is never meant to destroy us, but to shape us into who we are meant to be.
So what does this look like in our daily lives? It means we become willing to speak the truth, with gentleness or with firmness as necessary. We see the other person’s worth, we choose the right time, and we examine our motives. Love, not frustration, drives our correction.
We also become people who are willing to receive correction. We humble ourselves to listen. We renounce our pride and ask, “Is there truth in what I’m hearing?” Even from people who aren’t perfect, even in words that are not ideal, we listen to the voice of God.
And importantly, we value relationships that are built on truth. The people who love us are not always the ones who praise us—they are the ones who are willing to challenge us when needed. They care enough to speak, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Are you surrounding yourself with voices that only affirm you, or with those who help you grow? Do you flatter others for the sake of ease, or speak truth for the sake of love?
Maybe there’s someone in your life right now who needs a word of truth spoken out of love. It requires wisdom, humility, and courage. It needs God, in a world that often chooses comfort over truth.
Or maybe you’re the one who needs to receive correction. Remember, love does not remain silent when harm threatens. Love speaks to correct and restore.
Let us dwell in scripture, learning to speak with grace and truth. Because in the end, it’s not the words that flatter us that change us—it’s the words that are spoken in love and grounded in truth. God bless.
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